| Night Life |
[Apr. 8th, 2007|04:44 pm] |
I've had this question in my heart
And I can't get her out
I've tried to hold on
I'm safe haven
Then the day ends
The pretext of the situation,
Love
If I tried to explain,
I'd fail
It doesn't work like math
It isn't really a myth
Maybe a few find it in meth
And what options are you left with?
Bad teeth, a lie, and numbers that don't add
Where should I begin to take these things away
I worry I'll never see her again
Then there are the evils,
Petty fears that only scrape at the above
Night Life
Beautiful Girl |
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| When the World Goes Honest |
[Apr. 7th, 2007|11:44 pm] |
If not for dreams
If not for many things
If not for her
I did dream of her
I woke
I couldn't sleep,
till I knew the dream
For my nights are nightmares
Beaten by her man one night
Caring for her the next
Watching everything slip away
Watching her
When the world goes honest,
So will I. |
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| Courting a Lovely Nurse |
[Mar. 31st, 2007|09:36 pm] |
I pick times out in my head
I'll call at 8:30
Maybe she'll answer
I try to act cool
I'd rather be suave
Or at least be debonair
I'm only a fool
I think of her freckled skin
Her glasses
Long blond hair
Which makes me feel cowardly?
I'd call her beautiful
Yet I'll admit her voice pricks my ear
The tone, the slang, the slur
It makes me hang on words
Makes me mean
I listen all the more
With a lovely nurse
I feel foolish
Her bed is high
Her skin warm
Courting Blonde Nurses
Perky breasted woman
I act foolish and drink
She makes a man wait |
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| While I've Been Courting |
[Mar. 31st, 2007|09:17 pm] |
A man does what he must
Sometimes the wrong things
Me, I've courted death
I've chased women from my bed
They say adultery is a sin
So is true love
Any love
It is all a sin
Half my life I felt old
I've only been young
I finally slept with death
She is good
Makes me hard
Licks my ear lobes
I drink to her
The drugs
The liquor
The pills
All of it for her
While I've been courting
I've had others
Blonds and Brunettes
Dark skinned and pale
I chase all women from my bed
I don't like them to stick around
I love to stick it to them
But those are thoughts of other men
Love is a sin
It is in everything
Makes me hard
Like death
I've courted a few
Had affairs
Played out lovers fears
Cheated and whored
For love
Who loves me now
Who but death
Whore that she is
Death sleeps with everyone |
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| Soft Drink |
[Mar. 27th, 2007|06:48 am] |
More coke than water
So the heart says
Mine is just being loud
Hope he goes away
"The beat is a little fast",
the veins say
Coke, not water
My song can't last |
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| Dirty (Now And Forever) |
[Mar. 24th, 2007|12:15 pm] |
I try
I do
I promise
You know I can't
These things I want to feel
Promises of something better
I can only fake it
Pills & Alcohol
I try
You know
It is killing me
I'm Dizzy
My heart is spinning
I only worry about her
I've tried
I know
I'm foolish
I love her
I'm sorry
I never told her
I'll keep doing this
I can't stay clean |
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| The Job, The Life, and Breaking up other couples just cause you can dance. |
[Mar. 22nd, 2007|09:58 pm] |
When you get drunk
you think you can dance
when you dance
boyfriends get mad
She wasn't skinny
would've broke a dick
though she was cute enough
I could close my eyes
My hands would feel it
I'd be limp
Though I felt pretty
Like a drunk doesn't
When you're drunk
You'll admit to death
Your kids are dead
Let the air in
I spell my name in piss
I drink till I'm sick
She sniffs
that's the drip
Thankfully I'm not a whore
and "These girls are delicate"
They are bones
On Credit, Blow |
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| The Boney King |
[Mar. 18th, 2007|07:59 pm] |
The nurse checks in
she doesn't stay to visit
I've seen her out of uniform
By her guise I'd say honey
Though she isn't sweet
The queen cuts lines
Loving everyman
The razor cuts her
I'd cut myself
Dear, Cut me a line
I the Boney King
I wait for my paunch to grow
The liquor doesn't stick
Me and the Queen we don't eat
My father, the king before
Like me took the speed
We stay skinny
Though my father quit
She the Queen of Bones
She Feeds me the lines
On lips it tastes numb
We've used our reserve
I don't eat
I wait for death
The nurse checks in |
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| In my family |
[Mar. 18th, 2007|04:14 am] |
My father use to sing "Donny Duaney" right along to dream on. I was little then running away ashamed. I watched my father play his guitar all my life. He was drunk when I was little and I was surrounded by drunks. My brother was going to desert storm. I just held my hands over my ears.
My Grandfather, I remember his mustache and his salt and pepper hair.His was the only funeral. I've never been to another.
I remember I was supposed to cry ; I did to myself. I had a new box of crayons while everyone watched him buried. I stayed out of sight. It was a brown coffin.
Old men fall and drool. I think I am supposed to have respect. I am young. Everything in my life seems to be dying and I don't know how I am supposed to get to be old. I can't make it there. |
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| Nothing is Sacrate to Me |
[Mar. 18th, 2007|03:47 am] |
"Don't Poke me like a beached whale."
"A beached whale?"
I'm not ok
I can promise that
I'm petty
Smaller than you'll ever be
We sweep it away
like the long days
and i can feel my nails in my palm
Liquor for blood
and my head is a bit clearer
She won't stay
I feel like drinking all day
crashing
not to do a thing
if i were a cripple
I'd ask any women to save me
maybe even a girl
and a baby can't quit my smoking
I wave with aged hands
It's good to be high
waving good-by
You're phony fucks
at least i'm honest
I'm a drunk now
daddy told me about the bottle
mother doesn't say a damn thing
I just want to bleed
smear my blood on her lips
bite her then fuck her
like revenge
just like me
Though I'd be a king
I know I've told a few of you more than enough but here is something new. When I was younger I believed in love. For certainly crazy things were happening to me. It was like I was running away. I don't think I ever told anyone I loved her, Faith. I don't think I told anyone I cried. You'll realize nothing works. Not even love. I chase it away. Now I know every minute with her I will remember as an old man. Chase that for awhile. Feel young and feel ok. One day this will all be over or I'll get ugly. Tonight I feel beautiful. Tomorrow I'll drink till it quits me. |
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| Like A Man I Only Listen to Women |
[Mar. 17th, 2007|01:37 am] |
I meet a girl who told me I think too much
she told me how she escaped
how a man told her she was cynical
so she told herself to be happy, everyday
and she told me it worked
When I acted
She moved away
never to say a word
to return a call
so what did I learn
A lover told me many things
but I never said one
I still don't
I don't know how
and what could I say
She told me I was lazy
She doesn't know how much it hurts
To not want to waste away
to have the endless and mindless
to feed nothing
this is horror
So what have I learned
To act but not say anything
And I've never listened to one man
but all the women in my life
those I hold in my heart
I take their words
I take them all
I could say I've gathered them up
held them to me
and only a woman can make you a man
when she holds you
with eyes, lips, and legs
she can make you mean
or make you love
But I haven't learned a thing
Dear Eve, she gave us the fruit
We blamed her
All of us men
for a paradise that was lost
Though some of us are like Adam
we'll eat the fruit and believe in her
believe in the things she has to say
I believe in her and I love her
and not one day have I blamed her
What have I learned |
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| Poor |
[Mar. 15th, 2007|11:04 pm] |
My life is ordinarily quite mad
When I go to dance the Bums ask for change
and my girl says she hasn't eaten in days
We were jacked and coked
and she is still too young to drink
I'm always drunk
I told her I'd go mad with her
to keep her company
and when i pull away
she pulls me back
So I made her tin can recordings
Singing to her all day
without a worry
Whichever way it comes out |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 14th, 2007|09:39 pm] |
I sat waiting in the hallway at SPC with my portfolio. I saw Mr. Horn open the door. This was his technique to show the students how to write action. Not every little thing. Just what counts. As I waited, I went through my portfolio. Thoughts of Grad School float through my head.
I wonder how I'd do. I like the workshops. I love writing. So I sat waiting for the man who started me out. I now have a degree on a wall. I'm trying to fill up the space. I'm a little unnerved. I'm afraid of the GRE but I plan to take it in a month.
I asked Mr. Horn for a letter of recommendation if he liked any of my stories. He said I could sit in on his creative writing classes and comment. I think I just might.
Next is professor Fleming. He already offered me a letter of recommendation. He seemed hopefully that'd I'd get in somewhere. I am worried about that.
I know I don't need the mfa to write. I'd like to have it though. I'd like to teach.
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 13th, 2007|10:23 pm] |
Baby said get clean.
And I did. |
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| Stimulant Status |
[Mar. 13th, 2007|03:29 pm] |
You can't scare the devil out
You can only get him drunk
I'm tired of trying to beat my heart out
Take enough speed
Your veins are rockets
Little ice spikes crawling out
And when you run out
there is caffeine
and your heart never heals
but you make it through
another day
until it comes
Though I think I am done with death
She'll keep calling me back
I know the things I do
Though i try to consecrate my hopes,
I know I will always fail. |
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| I Chase Devils |
[Mar. 12th, 2007|10:12 pm] |
And so it finds a way
all things do
and I don't want to speak for awhile
not to anyone.
And I won't
and few know why
and I'll pass
far away
No more
Bars
Drinks
Women
Friends
I'm going to go away
I'm with the dead
the dying
and there is no hope
and you should know better
I should've but I don't believe in such things
And I've had enough
my hands shake
my head is screaming
I wonder If I'll ever sleep.
I think of how I turned love away
chased death down all dead ends
The ink drop of a silver moon
with the silver stars
twilight and sunrises
and death in-between
And I wish I could've had a daughter
a little girl all my own
I believed in love
but i have nothing
yet death's head is kissing me
So I go
Away
From the fast pace
Far from the devils
and I will not speak for a while.
Goodnight, Goodbye. |
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| She says, "Nature Will Get it Right" |
[Mar. 12th, 2007|01:13 pm] |
The phone is always ringing
but she is with me now
in my bed
and in my head
T.S. Elliot took hold
and my voice was his
as I spoke
I didn't Sing
for Prufrock , "I know you not"
I know Bukowski was a lover
just don't look at it as bitter
She asked me what I thought of her
nothing less
I'll leave those thoughts to other men
And if I called her muse
If I called her out
she'd think me quite mad.
I told her of Einstein
His little lost girl
Relativity is certain,
that this moment will last forever
but she'll speed away
And all the other men
the sum is so small in my head
all the boys you knew
know nothing of me
know not my madness
or the hopes in my heart
You poets were there
When I tried to find love
Your words and songs
Your silly thoughts
But as the woman said,
"Nature will get it all right."
Dear Darwin, We'll evolve
She said.
And the phone will ring
and I'll close my eyes
I spoke of hope
with the poets, scientist, and all other men
"Boys, I'll think of this woman until the end." |
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| A Flight From Russia |
[Mar. 10th, 2007|10:56 pm] |
I wait to hear those wheels hit the ground
for the guitars to start
and sweet old Johnny boy comes on through
And in a daisy chain i take this pill
To play
And remember that there are still voices
that there is still a live sound
that the crowd is song
And i remember promises I made
but i am never going to get it straight
my heads burnt out
and my heart never healed
So as we land
take off the oxygen mask. |
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| Sometimes |
[Mar. 10th, 2007|11:46 am] |
Sometimes you keep it quiet
That way it is slow
and long
and the ennui that comes
Sometimes you make it quick
to get it out
to carry on
but that leaves you hungry
She'll hold me
and maybe it will last all night
But I wish to be loud and fierce
to be heard and felt
and that will end
we all tire
and when it turns back
to the slow and quiet
she'll hold me
but in the morning
we dress
we leave
we live |
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| I Have The Devil In Me |
[Mar. 9th, 2007|11:12 pm] |
In this Saint Petersburg
I kiss tickets more than women.
I'm in violation of some dumb shit.
And the cops have little dicks.
What are you keeping us sane from.
The truth.
That life is filled with drunks.
I am one.
I'm a drunk.
Violent
and i hope i smash into you.
I drink to get normal
i'm killing the edge
and women get closer
Then you hear the boys
"Who, who can i stick my dick to."
What, say what
your little dick.
And who is going to suck the life
suck from me all the things i couldn't fuck.
It's ok, you didn't really interest me.
She said
"I ain't going to last seven years."
Dear baby,
I hope i've drank enough to cause you tears.
So in St. Pete
a Florida town
a dead beat
dead sound
hell
where i've fucked.
Where to now
I am too drunk to care
You're sad and i hear his voice
Who am i too care.
About animal rights
and vegans
whores and coke
and I'm the whore
I'll sleep with any girl
to make myself feel better
and in this St. Pete town
I've probably slept with you.
So St. Pete sleeps
and I think of
women
And I've felt pretty
and I've done coke
and I've slept with her
and what does it matter
whose slept with whom
and who sucked or fucked
In this St. Pete town
we are the whores
and i feel beautiful
so i've sold you my soul
And they'd tell you I have the devil in me
I am only a man who drinks
So the devils in me and he is in St. Pete. |
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